i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
