I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
