what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
