The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
