my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
