If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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