atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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