at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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