i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
