OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dignity is for republicans.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
