3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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