Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
