In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
