I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
