I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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