you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
