cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
