i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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