Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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