I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
