Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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