Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize