I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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