we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize