There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i think i have herpe
just one?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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