so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
