i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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