One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
God I need to hump something, right now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
