I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
