I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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