As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
