Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
