I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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