I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
