The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
