Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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