threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
