I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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