I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
