Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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