My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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