I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize