You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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