The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
