I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
