i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
