i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
