Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
