I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
