Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
