I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
