the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
