she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize