so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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