I need help removing her.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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