dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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