Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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