She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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