butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
