Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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