How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
