Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
