Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
