I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize