The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
