i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
